Monday, March 23, 2015

falling asleep in Adoration

Saturday morning, running on 4.5 hours of sleep, some caffeine, two bananas, and adrenaline, I plunged into leading a retreat for my parish's high school Confirmation students. Sunday afternoon, I went to spend time with Jesus in Adoration - where, still tired from Saturday's events, I fell asleep.


I love the NCAA tournament, but my version of March Madness this weekend involved nine hours of prayer, discussion, and laughter with 19 teenagers - and no basketball.
If you've ever led a retreat, whether it was a day, a weekend, or longer, you know what's involved, from the planning and preparation, through the retreat itself. I LOVE it, but it's not light on effort - retreats are a labor of love. That labor of love always exacts suffering in some way, and in my Catholic mind, that's not just okay; it's good. Things that are worth doing are worth suffering for - particularly when that suffering gives way to - please, God! - spreading the light of Christ.

Symbolically speaking of that light of Christ, I asked the confirmandi to pray about what they needed to let go of in order to draw closer to God. After time in prayer, they lit candles representing what they needed to let go of,  and placed them in a bed of salt in front of an icon of Christ - a reminder that they are called to be the "salt of the earth" and "light of the world":  



By the time things were wrapped up Saturday evening, I was happily exhausted after a wonderful day with a great group of teens. As I walked to my car in a completely unexpected rainstorm, I looked east, toward the church: 


A DOUBLE RAINBOW!!! 

Well played, Lord, well played. I try not to read into these things when they happen, but yes, I would like to think that maybe... just maybe... our Lord was letting me know he was happy. Of course, as long as he really was happy, it doesn't really matter if he was telling me that or not. 

Note: yes, that is a bright blue sky on the other side of the cloud... The rain seemed like it came out of nowhere. It was there, and then it was gone, rainbows and all. 

You might think, after the whole 4.5-hours-of-sleep-here's-some-caffeine-let's-go-lead-a-retreat-now experience, I would've slept in on Sunday. After all, we ended the retreat with Mass, so I didn't need to go Sunday morning. But no. I was wide awake at 7:00.

After a lovely morning and early afternoon relaxing and shopping with a friend, I decided I'd go spend some time with Jesus.

Sitting in the chapel, soaking in the goodness of our Lord's presence, it hit me. I was tired. Like, really tired. Sleepy tired. 

Truth: I totally fell asleep. Thankfully, I was wearing a chapel veil - and the sides make it harder to see my eyes - so hopefully no one else in the adoration chapel really noticed. ;-)

When *ahem* I awoke about 40 minutes later, I somewhat sheepishly recalled what St. Therese of Lisieux said about her struggles with staying awake when she was supposed to be at prayer: 

"I remember that little children are as pleasing to their parents when they are asleep as well as when they are wide awake; I remember, too, that when they perform operations, doctors put their patients to sleep. Finally, I remember that: 'The Lord knows our weakness, that he is mindful that we are but dust and ashes.'"

To be that little child in the eyes of the Father... 

To be the patient of the Divine Physician... 

To know the love of Jesus in spite of my own dust and ashes.

"O God, you are my God, for you I long..."


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