Tuesday, September 27, 2016

in the dark

How often do we grow battle-weary, trying to combat the world's darkness? How often do we feel like we are seeking after Christ in the dark?

I have struggled to write for months; it seems like an eternity. I've felt that I have nothing worthwhile to say - in a world incessantly jabbering about things of mostly little value - even though I'd try to speak of Goodness/Truth/Beauty - those things of God - it's still difficult to rise above the din. Sometimes, it's just difficult to fight that tiny, grating voice that challenges the worth of your thoughts - and sometimes, that voice doesn't seem tiny at all. 

So I've remained silent for awhile... Perhaps I still should... But here I am.

We had a large power outage here several Sundays ago.

I was on my way to Adoration when it hit, and when I arrived, the windowless chapel was completely dark, save for the sanctuary lamp - which, though beautiful, did nothing to illumine the chapel, or our Eucharistic Lord.

There I was, alone in the quiet darkness - alone with our Lord, but unable to see Him.
Slightly unnerved, I was tempted to leave.
Instead, I pulled out my phone, turned on the flashlight, and propped it up on a pew at just the right angle to illuminate the monstrance.

Being in pitch darkness with our Lord brought many analogies to mind. Of course, the general analogy to the spiritual life, when our Lord is so close to us, but seems so very far away - times which are difficult and deeply trying.

And also, the analogy to our lives in the world today. For those of us who try to follow Christ, who have faith, who try to be faithful - life often feels like adoring Jesus in the dark. The world is pitch black and seems to become darker with each passing day. (Presidential election, anyone?) 

Faith is a real struggle - that "realization of things hoped for and evidence of things not seen". The "hoped for" - my God, how difficult is hope in a world which has none, and for which there seems to be none? The "not seen" - holding fast to One whom we only "see" Eucharistically - and for whom we suffer ridicule?

Yes, adoring our Lord in the dark.

The lights came back on after a little while, and I sat and prayed for all of the people I love, who are struggling against the darkness - the general darkness of the world, the way it manifests in our lives. We try to combat the darkness, but so often, we grow battle-weary - we do not wholly lean on Him in the struggle, and lose our strength.

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